A Singleton’s
'Love Chokeholds’
single status from a scarlet letter into comedy gold?
techniques that therapists use to heal
trauma – but with more cursing and a
dash of nihilism that would make
Nietzsche proud.
techniques that therapists use to heal trauma – but with more cursing and a
dash of nihilism that would make Nietzsche proud.
Plusnoone
cautionary tale than a romantic lead.
order...
trick in the book...
but are you seeing anyone?'
conversation loop every
family gathering?"
but are you seeing anyone?'
conversation loop every
family gathering?"
Loving It' to be recognized
as a valid relationship
status on social media?
Loving It' to be recognized
as a valid relationship
status on social media?
your own disaster documentary, just
with more takeout?
'How To Be Single and
Not Lose It'?
Feel like you're constantly
defending your decision not
to settle? Yeah, me too.
could inspire the next big
tragicomic opera, only with more
duets for one?
Do you feel a vein pulsating in your forehead every time you're prompted with that 'Still single?' inquiry?
Is the only serious
relationship you want with doughnuts and coffee?
I could go on, but I've probably dated for
fewer hours than this list is long...
what if I told you
after countless nights of Netflix asking "are you
STILL watching?”
there was a better way...
what if I told you
after countless nights of Netflix asking "are you
STILL watching?”
there was a better way...
isn't finding "the one." It's finding
the resplendent majesty in being
"the none.”
the resplendent majesty
in being "the none.”
Netflix Queue"
survival strategy
so that your main love
interest becomes the 'next
episode' button.
"you'll find
someone when you
stop looking" advice is
both wrong and stupid
so you can counter with -
"And you'll stop asking when
I start lying?”
You'll unearth
The secret of 'Solo
Sushi Saturdays’
so that you can hog all the
Wasabi for yourself and
thumb the sushi chef’s
judgmental side eye
correlation between
being single and having
an unreasonable
number of houseplants
okay, it's you" letter
template for those
dates that just won't do
of attending weddings
solo without crying in
the bathroom (much)
You believe being single is a phase, not a lifestyle choice akin to becoming a monk, only with more freedom and uninterrupted TV time
If you're passionately committed to the idea that true love involves shared Netflix passwords and finishing each other’s
sentences.
You believe love is just a swipe away, like finding the Holy Grail at the end of a rainbow, while riding a unicorn.
You prefer the dialogue with your
houseplants over a disappointingTinder
exchange.
You have a ready smile and practiced nod
for the endless stream of ‘helpful’
relationship advice coming your way, all
the while thinking about your cozy bed
and binge-worthy series awaiting you.
You’d rather be the one who laughs at
romantic comedies than the one who
cries., and you ALWAYS cringe.
super duper
fancy THINGS
ABOUT THIS...
super duper
fancy THINGS
ABOUT THIS...
For just $9 – less than the cost of that awful
first date coffee where they talked about
their ex the whole time
The full eBook (packed with more
emotional baggage than your last Tinder
match)
Exclusive access to Polly Partnerless's
Dating Disaster Diary
The "Single Person's Bingo Card" for family
gatherings
A digital certificate declaring your official
freedom from societal expectations
🥁
singlehood, I’ll sincerely PRETEND to refund your money faster than
your last date ghosted you.
Will reading this book dramatically increase my chances of remaining single?
Yes, in fact, this book comes with a guarantee. Start reading it in public, and you'll start seeing potential suitors running for the hills, leaving you in perfect solitude to savor your solo journey.
Does this manifesto include the secret to enjoying a whole pizza without the guilt of not sharing?
Ah, the secret joys of selfish pizza gorging! While we may not uncover every trick in the book, we definitely throw you a couple of cheesy arguments you can tell yourself while hogging that last slice.
Will I get a free houseplant with every purchase, to kick-start the correlation between singlehood and excessive plant parenthood?
While we haven't quite figured out the logistics of digital plant delivery yet, the book does include a discount coupon for imaginary plant shops. Use code 'SOLONOMORE'
If I read this while in a relationship, is it considered cheating or just relationship self-sabotage?
Well, in the realm of relationships, self-help books are considered handsome bed partners. But if reading this unexpectedly tips you into enlightened singlehood, remember - we warned you.
Purchase “securely” with an online stranger today!
single is the overpriced merchandise
uniquely designed for the discerning
connoisseur.
single is the overpriced merchandise
uniquely designed for the discerning
connoisseur.
&
&
Lonelle.Madsen Coaching | NeuroBloom Academy