INTRODUCING

C u p i d ’ s

CuPid’s

M i s f i r e

Misfire

A Singleton’s

Combat Manual -

Guerilla tactics for conquering valentine's 'love chokholds'

Guerilla Tactics

for Conquering

Valentine's

'Love Chokeholds’

Your Guide to Dodging Roses and Love Sonnets This Valentine's Day

Your Guide to Dodging Roses and Love Sonnets This Valentine's Day

Ever notice how the world seems to be

split into two types of people?

EVER NOTICE HOW the world seems to be split into two types of people?

Those disgustingly happy couples holding hands and sharing ice cream cones...

...and then there's us. The ones accidentally swiping right on our second cousins.

WHat if I told you there's a way to transform your

single status from a scarlet letter into comedy gold?


Using the same psychological warfare

techniques that therapists use to heal

trauma – but with more cursing and a

dash of nihilism that would make

Nietzsche proud.


Using the same psychological warfare

techniques that therapists use to heal trauma – but with more cursing and a

dash of nihilism that would make Nietzsche proud.

Look, I'm Noah

Plusnoone

and I've spent the last decade perfecting the art of being perpetually single. Not by choice, mind you. The universe just decided I'd make a better

cautionary tale than a romantic lead.

It was clear- a plot twist was in

order...

I've dabbled in every

trick in the book...

I've dabbled in every

trick in the book...

C a n y o u r e l a t e ?

Can you relate?

Tired of the 'Good for you,

but are you seeing anyone?'

conversation loop every

family gathering?"

Tired of the 'Good for you,

but are you seeing anyone?'

conversation loop every

family gathering?"

Still waiting for 'Single &

Loving It' to be recognized

as a valid relationship

status on social media?

Still waiting for 'Single &

Loving It' to be recognized

as a valid relationship

status on social media?

Does it feel like you’re narrating

your own disaster documentary, just

with more takeout?

Ever feel like you're

the walking billboard for

'How To Be Single and

Not Lose It'?

Feel like you're constantly

defending your decision not

to settle? Yeah, me too.


Figure your romantic escapades

could inspire the next big

tragicomic opera, only with more

duets for one?

(...Wait, there’s more gold.)

Got 'Sarcasm - my secret weapon' stamped on your single survival kit?

Do you feel a vein pulsating in your forehead every time you're prompted with that 'Still single?' inquiry?


Ever thought being single is like being the main act in a circus – just without the applause?

Feeling like your sarcasm is holding a double job as a defense mechanism and entertainment package?

Is the only serious

relationship you want with doughnuts and coffee?


I could go on, but I've probably dated for

fewer hours than this list is long...


what if I told you

after countless nights of Netflix asking "are you

STILL watching?”

there was a better way...

what if I told you

after countless nights of Netflix asking "are you

STILL watching?”

there was a better way...

The secret to surviving singlehood

isn't finding "the one." It's finding

the resplendent majesty in being

"the none.”

The secret to surviving singlehood isn't finding

"the one." It's finding

the resplendent majesty

in being "the none.”

introducing...

C u p i d ’ s M i s f i r e

Cupid's

Misfire

a Singleton’s Combat Manual -


How to wage war against red hearts, ceremonial dinners, and cheesy mixtapes.


How to wage war against red hearts, ceremonial dinners, and cheesy mixtapes.

with this overpriced product

(and yes I just doubled the price tag while you’ve been reading this)

YOU CAN unleash...

with this overpriced product

(and yes I just doubled the price tag while you’ve been reading this)

YOU CAN unleash...

The "Empty Bed, Full

Netflix Queue"

survival strategy

so that your main love

interest becomes the 'next

episode' button.

Why your aunt's

"you'll find

someone when you

stop looking" advice is

both wrong and stupid

so you can counter with -

"And you'll stop asking when

I start lying?”

You'll unearth

The secret of 'Solo

Sushi Saturdays’

so that you can hog all the

Wasabi for yourself and

thumb the sushi chef’s

judgmental side eye

YOU WILL ALSO BE ABLE TO


Formulate the scientific

correlation between

being single and having

an unreasonable

number of houseplants


Perfect the

"It's not you, it's —

okay, it's you" letter

template for those

dates that just won't do


Master the secret art

of attending weddings

solo without crying in

the bathroom (much)


Refine your penchant

for solo dining in public

without having to

fake phone conversations

IS THIS digital masterpiece

FOR YOU?

IS THIS digital masterpiece

FOR YOU?

NO

  • You believe being single is a phase, not a lifestyle choice akin to becoming a monk, only with more freedom and uninterrupted TV time

  • If you're passionately committed to the idea that true love involves shared Netflix passwords and finishing each other’s

    sentences.

  • You believe love is just a swipe away, like finding the Holy Grail at the end of a rainbow, while riding a unicorn.

YES

  • You prefer the dialogue with your

    houseplants over a disappointingTinder

    exchange.

  • You have a ready smile and practiced nod

    for the endless stream of ‘helpful’

    relationship advice coming your way, all

    the while thinking about your cozy bed

    and binge-worthy series awaiting you.

  • You’d rather be the one who laughs at

    romantic comedies than the one who

    cries., and you ALWAYS cringe.

How to jump on this train wreck now?

How to jump on this train wreck now?

LIMITED

TIME OFFER

save 50% off of the

100% markup while losing

99.8% self respect

Grab it Now - before my fragile ego inflates the price again!

LIMITED

TIME OFFER

save 50% off

of the

100% markup while losing

99.8% self respect

Grab it Now - before my fragile ego inflates the price again!


SOME OTHER

super duper

fancy THINGS

ABOUT THIS...


SOME OTHER

super duper

fancy THINGS

ABOUT THIS...

  • For just $9 – less than the cost of that awful

    first date coffee where they talked about

    their ex the whole time

  • The full eBook (packed with more

    emotional baggage than your last Tinder

    match)

  • Exclusive access to Polly Partnerless's

    Dating Disaster Diary

  • The "Single Person's Bingo Card" for family

    gatherings

  • A digital certificate declaring your official

    freedom from societal expectations

and the best part...

🥁

0% Money-Back Guarantee:


If this ebook doesn't make you laugh, cry, or at least feel slightly better about your perpetual

singlehood, I’ll sincerely PRETEND to refund your money faster than

your last date ghosted you.

Because it’s a digital download,

all sales are final -

but definitely leave me a scathing review on the inter web

if you find yourself with

an unusual hurt in the buttocks region.

Because it’s a digital download,

all sales are final -

but definitely leave me a scathing review on the inter web

if you find yourself with

an unusual hurt in the buttocks region.

FIVE SOLITARY STARS - MY CACTUS AGREES!

A must-have survival guide and glorious roadmap leading straight to self-love, self-dates, and self-fives.

I never knew being single could be just as wonderful as grooming my cactus until I met Noah!

Single and Unbothered

Indie Film Maker & Part-time

Fortune Cookie Writer

FIVE SOLITARY STARS - MY CACTUS AGREES!

A must-have survival guide and glorious roadmap leading straight to self-love, self-dates, and self-fives.

I never knew being single could be just as wonderful as grooming my cactus until I met Noah!

Single and Unbothered

Indie Film Maker & Part-time

Fortune Cookie Writer

F A Q

Will reading this book dramatically increase my chances of remaining single?

Yes, in fact, this book comes with a guarantee. Start reading it in public, and you'll start seeing potential suitors running for the hills, leaving you in perfect solitude to savor your solo journey.

Does this manifesto include the secret to enjoying a whole pizza without the guilt of not sharing?

Ah, the secret joys of selfish pizza gorging! While we may not uncover every trick in the book, we definitely throw you a couple of cheesy arguments you can tell yourself while hogging that last slice.

Will I get a free houseplant with every purchase, to kick-start the correlation between singlehood and excessive plant parenthood?

While we haven't quite figured out the logistics of digital plant delivery yet, the book does include a discount coupon for imaginary plant shops. Use code 'SOLONOMORE'

If I read this while in a relationship, is it considered cheating or just relationship self-sabotage?

Well, in the realm of relationships, self-help books are considered handsome bed partners. But if reading this unexpectedly tips you into enlightened singlehood, remember - we warned you.

LIMITED

LIMITED

SINCERE OFFER

SINCERE

OFFER

save 50% off of the

100% markup

(when everybody knows real savings is

not parting with any of your funds)

Purchase “securely” with an online stranger today!


"In the grand bazaar of life, being

single is the overpriced merchandise

uniquely designed for the discerning

connoisseur.


"In the grand bazaar of life, being

single is the overpriced merchandise

uniquely designed for the discerning

connoisseur.

Much like this eBook."

Much like this eBook."

~Anita Companion

~Anita Companion


BITE THE BITTER BLISS BULLET

&

BITE THE

BITTER BLISS BULLET

&


Hurry before cupid’s arrow misses your fossilized heart entirely and accidentally pierces your enlarged spleen!


Hurry before cupid’s arrow misses your fossilized heart entirely and accidentally pierces your enlarged spleen!


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